sometimes i wonder in my life why certain things happened to me. like for example, why larry had to pick me out of all children to abuse and rape. or why i got that ulcer. or why my mom put me on birth control when there was nothing wrong with me.
but i know why i got those things.
because my best friend at the time introduced me to him.
because i ate too much, and as a result, gained a lot of weight.
because my mom thought that i was going to become a butch lesbian with the way i dressed.
i still have nightmares of these events.
i have them every single night, and they frighten me to the absolute core of my body.
i'm afraid that i will never return to the bright, cheerful child i once was a very long time ago.
maybe that's why i moved away.
maybe, it's why i'm starting to change for the better, to strive to become that cheerful little girl.
i may never be able to regain that pure innocence, but i can definitely try.
but first, to lose the weight i gained so long ago.
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